As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in a region 431 miles away from the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.
This was announced with a brief, humble, unselfish build-up culminating with a national tweet of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports, entertainment, and probably the history of the universe.
Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.
The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.
There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.
You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:
"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘Klow7' WINS ONE"
You can take it to the bank. (Then come to Quicken Loans to get the loan you will need to pay off your losses on that bet.)
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of another city’s very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels. As a matter of fact, I am on my way to Ace Hardware right now.
Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to-- Hold on folks, I’m getting a call from David Stern…
Wow, this is embarrassing. Apparently Mr. Lowry was a “restricted” free agent and had no control over the situation. Once Daryl Morey and the Rockets matched our $24 million offer, Kyle had no choice but to return to Houston. My apologies.
Sleep well, Cleveland.
Tomorrow is a new and slightly less darker day....
I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
DELIVERING YOU another angry letter in a silly font that you have long deserved and is long overdue....